Jan 6, 2009

Tue: I would add a Siesta

Usually right around 2pm, things start to go dark, my memory is worse then the guy from Memento, and my ability to answer questions with anything resembling intelligence starts to go away. I don’t really think I’m alone in this issue. I’ve noticed my Co-workers just sort of staring at the computer screen hoping that the e-mail would write itself, or sitting in class watching people convince themselves that they listen better with their eyes closed. People are tired. They’re getting upset. They need a nap, and by nap I mean 30-45 minutes after lunch to grab a wink of sleep. I really don’t think there’s even an argument here, but for the sake of interestingness (possibly not a real word) I’m going to pretend like there is.

Nobody’s working or studying after lunch anyway. That hour after lunch is currently the un-official space out time. Take a class that meets at 12pm you’ll see what I mean. Everyone is yawning, the teacher has to pretend like she’s asking rhetorical questions after nobody answers them, and the most effort you’ll see is watching kids do their best to be inconspicuous when they’re trying to look at the big clock on the wall behind them. This is currently a lost hour, nothing is getting done. We might as well stop pretending and use that time to recharge so we can actually do something worthwhile before sunset.

Taking a nap at midday would also help in other less obvious areas:

Less Energy Drinks
I used to drink a lot of energy drinks, at least 1 a day. Over the summer though I lost the tolerance I had built up for them, and now they make me shake….like a normal person. If everyone took a nap, they couldn’t feel that need for a jolt of caffeine. There have been studies that proves a nap is more effective than either an energy drink or coffee. Besides there is no way anything named Full Throttle, or Monster, or even my favorite Kronik should be introduced willingly into your body except under the most dire circumstances. Plus it would hopefully put Red Bull out of business and I won’t ever have to watch another one of their awkward commercials.

Creates Camaraderie
Remember sleepovers, and how afterward you would always feel so much closer to the friend or friends you had over. It would be like that every day right after lunch. Minus the popcorn, and videogames, and telling secrets of course. Well no actually you could probably still tell secrets. Anyway I think it would bring everyone in an office or class closer.

Get to Know the Real You
On the flip-side I believe that there’s a 3-9 minute period between coming out of sleep and actually waking where the true person shines through. Personally I’m not really a “shiner” during this window, and I think that would be valuable information for the people at work or school to know (“You know that Gabe guy, he’s capable of some really dark stuff, we probably shouldn’t plagiarize our portion of the group paper from the internet or else we might have to deal with him……true story). It would make separating the bad apples much easier.

Reduce Car Crashes
Outside of rush hour and super-early Sunday morning the hours immediately following lunch are the most dangerous to be on the road. People are sleepy, they just finished eating, it’s bright outside, it’s a recipe for a 4 car pile-up. If we all just took that nap, lives would be saved.

Did you know everyone in America turned off our lights for an hour everyday the energy we saved would power the great state of Montana for a year? What, you don’t believe me? It’s true, Al Gore showed me a graph. By not taking a naps we are killing this planet. Sill don’t believe me? Whatever, sustainability is a fringe-science anyway.

Improve Dental Hygiene
It’s recommended that you brush your teeth twice a day, which is good. But wouldn’t 3 times be better? Once we started taking naps could it be far behind that everyone discovers they need to brush afterward? How have the people at Crest not figured this out? They could be moving 50% more product, they should have lobbyists down there right now pushing the “Nap Bill” through congress.

I’m tired of trying to act interested in what’s going on around 2pm. Plus I’ve been noticing that this body God created is pretty honest about what it needs, and when it tells me I’m hungry I usually eat. It’s just natural. There’s no reason to ignore that 1pm time cry for sleep. What makes it different? Hopefully one day in my lifetime people will realize this and we can all just embrace the Nap once again.


  1. whatever. i like the red bull commercials.

  2. krystal, you are by far one of the most interesting people I know :)